Clutter Conflict: How to Organize and Declutter With Your Partner Without A Fight
Whether you’re moving in with your significant other for the first time or you’ve been living together for 20+ years creating a home that makes you both feel calm and relaxed takes work.
You love your partner but you don’t love your partner’s stuff (or your partner’s aversion to your stuff. Partners having different definitions of clutter is a very common issue for my clients and even in my own home. One of the big issues is that our individual attitudes towards stuff are deep-rooted in how we were brought up so when a significant other suggests getting rid of something it can seem like a personal attack. For some, the objects provide a sense of security, for others, an excess of stuff can cause stress. But it is possible for different approaches to live in harmony, it just takes a little work and a lot of patience.
4 types of clutter conflict and how to work through them
1. Clean surfaces vs. landing zones
The Problem: Partner 1 leaves receipts mail and empty lunch container on the Kitchen island, Piles make the other partner anxious.
The Solution: Anything on the island has to be put away by the end of the day. Set up systems for those landing spots so the more organized partner feels there is order and that it’s easy for the less organized partner to put things away instead of just putting them down.
Hot spot clutter zones
The main entrance: place hooks for keys and masks, and a folder for mail
Island or Kitchen table: eliminate the temptation by adding options for the things that get dropped before you reach the dumping ground. Once it’s clear add a decorative item so there is a visual stop sign for clutter.
Bedroom chair:
Avoid the drop zone and put the clothes you aren’t wearing away. If it's something that’s not quite clean but not quite dirty add hooks to the back of the door so those items can be hung up for future use.
2. The Tidier vs. The Pack Rat
The Problem: Partner1 likes things in their place and partner 2 comes from scarcity and wants to keep everything
The Solution: Start with one space at a time for clutter-free zones, or one space that the tidier can’t touch. Create systems for everything else. If space is limited and the extra stuff is affecting how your home functions, work together to declutter
The most important thing here is understanding the emotions behind why your partner is keeping things. It might just be a case of feeling completely overwhelmed about where to start in which case help them sort into piles and go through things one at a time.
These clarifying questions can help you weed through the clutter:
Do I love it?
Do I use it?
Is it Sentimental?
Do I have more than one?
Can I replace it if I need it later?
Does it Serve me?
Is it the best version?
For sentimental items; Try to showcase a few special items instead of keeping 10 boxes in the basement. Give them the opportunity to tell the story of why it’s important.
3. Organizing My Own Stuff vs. the Whole House
The Problem: Partner 1 will organize their own things but ignore the common areas
The Solution: Figure out why they put things where they do, and create systems that will be easy for them to maintain in the common areas. This might mean labeling shelves or containers so they know exactly where everything belongs.
4. Organizing Daily vs. When Things Are Chaotic
The Problem: Partner 1 prefers to do a longer weekly clean and partner 2 prefers to tidy a little bit every day.
The Solution: Agree to a regular tidying time, then make it fun, put on some music, and set a timer. Consider a running checklist. Tack it to the fridge so your partner can check off items as they want. Sometimes they aren’t aware of all the tasks we do so it’s important to share the load without having to ask every time.
If you’re ready to get your home organized and need a push in the right direction book a free consultation
Happy Organizing!
-Jocelyn